


Center Stage

by StormyBear30



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars, My Darling Murder
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-22
Updated: 2011-03-22
Packaged: 2017-10-17 05:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/173406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim’s life takes a major turn as a person from his past re-enters his life</p>
            </blockquote>





	Center Stage

**Author's Note:**

> A story that started out one night on an MSN chat between Divinity and I. Sadly…life got in the way and we had to put it away for a long time. I found it again not to long ago and with Div’s ok I decided to revive it. Here is the finished product. Huggles to you my dear!!!

Stormy…

“Jared…can I talk to you” Tim asked the leader of Thirty seconds to Mars as the two of them waited for Tomo and Shannon to join them for a practice session. They hadn’t even been scheduled to perform anyway, Tim having flown home to Arizona to spend time with his family until he heard back from the band he had been touring with. He had no sooner stepped into his childhood home when his phone rang and Jared had announced that they would be added to the line up of some festival event back in California. At first Tim had been reluctant to say yes, but then he thought about his future with the band, kissed his mother goodbye and headed back to the airport.

“Not right now Tim…can’t you see that I am busy” The singer replied, trying to look busy because he already knew what Tim wanted to speak to him about and he wasn’t prepared to have that talk that day.

“No Jay…it doesn’t look like you’re busy at all. In fact…it looks like you are trying to avoid a conversation that we should have had months ago” Tim belted out, walking over towards the man with determination in his step. “Come on man…it’s been two years. You told me that you were going to talk to the record people and make me official and that was nearly six months ago. I think that I’ve proven myself to you and the guys over and over again and…”

“And what?” They both heard Shannon’s annoyed reply, causing them both to jump at its abruptness and loudness. “You think just because you’ve been playing with us for two years that we should automatically make you one of us? You were hired as a touring bassist…something that you knew about and agreed to when you signed your contract. So get over yourself…pick up your fucking bass and start practicing”

Tim was startled at Shannon’s rudeness for about a second before the anger kicked in. The fact of that matter was that it wasn’t anything new for Shannon to talk to Tim like he was a piece of shit. In fact the longer that he played with the band, the worse it seemed to get, but he never let it bother him. He liked Shannon, despite Shannon’s obvious hatred of him, probably much more then he should, but he couldn’t help that. However, this time Shannon was near venomous and Tim was through with him and his nasty ways. “You know what…fuck you” He pointed towards Jared, turning to face a scowling Shannon behind him. “And…FUCK YOU” He screamed in the drummers face before nearly knocking Tomo to the ground in his haste to leave the room. “Sorry Tomo” He cried out over his shoulder before rushing for the back yard and the pool area of the Leto’s house for a much needed cigarette.

“Jesus Shannon…rude much” Tomo scolded his best friend, feeling bad for him because he knew the real reason Shannon was always so nasty towards Tim, but feeling even worse for the bassist who had become his friend also.

“What…he thinks that he just deserves to be made official just because he’s been touring with us for two years…what the fuck ever. He’s not that great of a fucking bassist” Shannon belted out, falling into a nearby leather chair, crossing his arms over his chest as if to dare his friend to challenge him.

“Yeah…well keep fucking treating him like that and you won’t have to worry about him being around anymore” Was Tomo’s mean retort, watching as a look of shock crossed the drummer’s face before it was replaced with a look of sadness. “Now go find him and tell him that you are sorry for being an ass” He didn’t give Shannon a chance to respond as he strode over towards his friend, jerked him from the chair before literally shoving him towards the patio door.

Shannon hated the very idea of trying to talk to Tim, not because he didn’t deserve an apology, but because he found it almost impossible to talk to the man without blurting out words and feelings that he knew that Tim would never return. Taking a deep breath he watched the man of his attraction pace back and forth by the pool, the every present cancer stick being drawn to his lips. He watched in fascination as his lips wrapped around the tiny cylinder, drawing in a breath, holding it for a moment before blowing the smoke outward. Nothing had ever looked more erotic to him then that as he took another breath and prepared to grovel just enough to keep his dignity in tact and make Tim decide to stay with the band despite Shannon’s meanness. “Hey man…” He heard Tim’s voice as he placed his cell phone to his ear, the pacing never ceasing. “What the fuck do you think is up…they refuse to even think about making me official and I am so fucking sick and tired of Shannon’s shit that I am beginning to think that I don’t even give a fuck anymore” His breath caught within his throat at the anger presented behind those words, but Shannon knew that no matter how much they hurt, he deserved every one of them as he hide back and continued to listen to Tim’s conversation.

 

The bassist paused long enough to listen to the person on the other line talk before his pacing started up again. "That's tempting, really fucking tempting, but I don't know if I can. Yeah, they're treating me like shit, but we're supposed to be playing a show soon and it'd be pretty fucked up to just up and leave them. But you're right; playing with MDM again would be amazing."

Before another word could be spoken, Shannon turned around and walked back inside, searching for the one person he knew would understand; his brother. He found Jared lounging on the sofa in the living room, chatting with Tomo as if he didn't have a care in the world. Both Jared and Tomo looked up at the drummer, frowning lightly when they noticed that Tim wasn't with him.

"I need to talk to you, Jay," Shannon spoke before the other two could question him. "Alone."

Tomo shrugged lightly and stood, heading off towards the kitchen without asking for a reason why they needed to talk alone. After spending so much time around the Leto brothers, he knew it was better not to ask, and if it was important, they'd tell him. Once the guitarist was out of earshot, the Mars leader turned his attention to his brother. He instantly knew that something was terribly wrong.

"I heard him talking on the phone, don't know who it was, but he was talking about playing with his old band again," the older Leto admitted as he sank down beside his brother. "I think we really messed up, especially if he's considering leaving the band. Oh god, what am I going to do if he leaves?" By now, Shannon was close to hysterical, and the younger Leto suddenly found himself with the rolls reversed.

"He's not going to leave; he wouldn't, not when we're close to our studio time. His old band doesn't have a singer anymore, remember? So there's no chance of them getting together again. Now pull yourself together, you're acting like a love struck schoolgirl," Jared replied in a soothing voice as he hugged his brother lightly. "Everything will be ok, I promise."

 

The problem was that everything wasn’t ok. Tim barely said two words to any of the band members once he had returned from the pool area, rushing out before any of them could even attempt to speak to him. He didn’t know what to do or what to think as he drove towards his apartment. On the one hand he wanted to stay with Thirty in hopes that all the long and hard work that he had put in would pay off, but then on the other hand he missed his former band mates, missing one more then the others

“Chris…” He whispered the mans name as he sat in the parking garage of his complex, his heart panging at the amount of love he still held for the former front man. He couldn’t help the smile that crossed his lips as he recalled all the happy times shared between the two of them, quickly to turn into a frown when the drugs and the lies turned a once loving man into an outright monster.

His mind then flittered to another; his smile appearing once again because since he had rejoined the band after Matt had left he couldn’t help but admit that he had grown quite fond of the drummer. Shannon was everything that he longed for in a man. He was deliciously handsome. He held an aura of strength that in an odd and strange way always made Tim feel like nothing could ever happen to any of them as long as Shannon was nearby. The man was brilliant and creative and had a caring side to him that Tim had seen more then once when it came to his family and friends. He had seen it time after time, the only problem being that he had never experienced it first hand. When it came to Tim, Shannon always seemed to become upset, irritated and sometimes even irate. He didn’t know what it was about him that Shannon disliked so much, but it didn’t stop him from falling deeper in love with him with each passing day.

“Kelleher…” He spoke into his phone after removing it from his belt clip when the ringing pulled him from his thoughts of Shannon.

“Tim…” His heart surged at the voice on the end, thinking that he would never have heard it again.

“Chris…” Tim returned the name in almost a whisper, afraid that it was only a dream as he laid his head back against the back of the seat, that same smile from before appearing on his face.

“Are you getting out of your car anytime soon or are you going to just keep sitting there with that goofy smile upon your face” He heard Chris laugh as he jerked his eyes open and quickly scanned the surrounding area, finding the man he had been smiling about standing in front of his car. He almost choked himself trying to get the seatbelt from around his lanky body, but soon he was free flying out of the car and into the arms of a man he at one time in his life loved with his entire heart.

“You look amazing” Tim cried out, stepping back to get a good look at his former lover. “I can’t believe how great you look and…” He stopped speaking at the look of sadness that crossed Chris’s face. “Sorry…”

“Why be sorry…it’s the truth. I was a drugged out heroin addict who looked like death warmed over” Chris replied sadly, the full extent of his feelings for Tim hitting him head on as he continued to look at him. “You on the other hand look amazing Timmy” He smiled at the blush that raced across the mans face, his heart speeding up just a bit more because of it. “I’ve really missed you baby” He spoke from that heart, knowing that he was probably going to scare him away, but unable to stop himself.

“I’ve missed you too” Tim replied, wrapping himself around Chris’s body because it was where he needed to be most at that time. “Come inside” He whispered, knowing that he was playing with fire and that before the night was out they were going to end up in bed together, but he didn’t care. He still loved Chris no matter what had happened and after everything that had been going on with Jared Leto and his fucked up band; he needed familiar more then anything. They barely made it into his apartment before they were in each other’s arms, mouths fused together in a heated kiss before clothes were shed and the sounds of sex were in the air. “I still can’t believe how amazing you look” Tim drawled tiredly hours later as he lie next to a body he used to crave more then any addicting element in the world.

“Thanks” Chris blushed, leaning forward and kissing Tim softly in and attempt to hide it. “We probably shouldn’t have done that” He said instead, pulling back, feeling guilty for what had happened because no matter how much he had wanted it, it hadn’t been his intention for going there. “This wasn’t the reason that I came here…but fuck if I wasn’t hopeful” He added quickly at the look on upset he saw flittering across Tim’s blue eyes.

“Why did you come here?” Tim asked, afraid of the answer he was going to get.

“I needed to see you Timmy and I wanted to ask for your forgiveness. I know that I hurt you with my addiction and that was something that I never wanted to do” He spoke the truth, not even trying to stop Tim when he pulled away from his body and sat off to the side of the bed.

“It’s in the past” Tim said quickly, pulling on his underwear before climbing out of the bed and going in search of the rest of his clothes.

“I still hurt you Tim and it’s something that eats at me everyday” Chris went on, determined to speak his truth in hopes that it would help alleviate some of his guilt and if possible bring Tim back into his life as they had been before the drinking and that drugs over took him. “I was a monster and did things to you that if I had been myself I wouldn’t have ever done. I hate that…”

“Enough…” Tim whispered, falling into a chair near the bed, his shirt being wrung into a ball. “I don’t want to go back there…don’t want to think about those times” He sighed, pissed off and hurt that he had relive the worst time in his life as the man that he loved and hoped to spend the rest of his life with fell into a full addition to heroine. It had started out with him using only now and then, but quickly turning into full blown abuse within weeks. Tim tried to ignore it at first, blaming their rock and roll lifestyle as the reason that he seemed to need the drug all the time, but he knew it was a lie. Eventually it became too hard to ignore and each time that Tim confronted him, blows would be impacted upon his body. The first time Chris had hit him, he had been too shocked to believe that it would happen again, but then it did happen again and again and again, until he couldn’t take it anymore. The final straw of their relationship had been when Tim had found his lover drugged out and naked in their bed surrounded by equally stoned men and woman as well. They were all high; they were all naked and by the sight and smell of things there was no doubt as to what they had been doing. The band and their relationship split apart that very day and he had felt that his life would never be the same again. “Why would you bring all this up again?” He asked, getting up from the chair, running his hands though his hair.

“I just wanted to say how sorry I was for hurting you Timmy and that despite it all I still love you” Chris knew he had no right to say those words to Tim, but they were true and no matter what he was going to flight like hell to get him back.

“I can’t hear that right now. It’s still so raw…so open” Tim replied softly, conflicted about the words and what they were making him feel again.

“Ok…I’ll go then” The former lead singer replied, dressing quickly before heading for the bedroom door. “Just know this Tim…I’m back and I will do everything in my power to win you back. We were good together…you can deny that. Before the drugs and the rest of the bullshit we were perfect together. I’m sorry that I fucked that up…but you better be damned sure that I won’t make that mistake again”

He was gone before he could respond, for which Tim was happy because he didn’t have a response for him anyway. “Did you know that Chris is back in town?” He asked his best friend hours later as they sat at their favorite bar.

“Are you fucking serious?” Elias spit out, his mouthful of beer spewing across the bar and Tim’s shirt.

“Yes I’m serious…and thanks for fucking sharing” Tim retuned, wiping the drink off the best he could. “He just showed up at my apartment and…”

“Well of course he would seek you out first given the history between the two of you. Wait…and what?” Elias asked, slamming his bottle on the bar because just by looking at his friend he already knew that they had slept together. “Jesus Tim…after everything that he did to you and you fall right back into the sack with him”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen. He just looked so good…so much like his old self. I couldn’t help myself” Tim sighed, hanging his head because he knew that he had leapt before he had truly thought things through. “He told me that he still loved me”

“Did you believe him?”

“I don’t know…maybe. I’m so fucking confused”

“What about Shannon?”

“What about Shannon?” Tim asked, surprised that the drummer’s name was even coming up in their conversation.

“Tim…you’ve been in love with Shannon for how long now?”

“In love…are you fucking loony?” Tim sputtered, his face reddening because he knew it was the truth and it pissed him off that his best friend knew it as well.

“Not the point here” Elias laughed, finishing his beer and indicating for the bar keep to bring them another round. “Look…I’m your best friend. I know everything about you. I see how you react when Shannon’s name is mentioned and that fact of the matter is that he’s exactly your type”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Tim snapped, hating once again that Elias knew him better then he knew himself.

“Strong…yet quiet. Manly….yet a soft side. I’ve known Shannon for a lot of years as well and he is exactly the type of man that you’d fall for” He replied with a grin, but it didn’t last long at the look of misery staring out cross the bar. “Hey…it it’s any help I think that he has feelings for you as well”

“Yeah…feelings of hate and contempt” Tim sighed as he recalled the last conversation that he had held with Shannon. “The man can’t wait to get rid of me”

“I don’t think that is the case Tim” Elias said, lying his hand on Tim’s shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter. My time with Thirty is growing short and then I will be out of work once again” The words tore at his heart more then he wanted to admit as he picked up his beer and took a drink.

“Which is perfect timing” Elias grinned, taking of drink from his bottle as well.

“For what…the unemployment line”

“Nope…even better” The drummer grinned. “We’re getting the band back together again”

Tim didn’t have words right away to express his relief and shock at those words. “What?”

“The boys…they want to get the band back together” Elias smiled brightly.

“What about Kill Hannah…Thirty?”

“Kill Hannah is about to take some time off…so it gives me the perfect opportunity to work with MDM” He laughed happily, excited at the idea of having his former band mates back together As for Thirty…as much as I love Shannon, Jared and Tomo…fuck em.

“Everyone’s going to be there” He ignored the last part.

“Really…but I thought that you said you hadn’t talked to Chris yet?” Tim asked confused.

“I haven’t. Why the fuck would I want to talk to that asshole?”

“Because he’s the lead singer of MDM”

“Was the lead singer” Elias blurted out angrily.

“I don’t understand then”

“We found another singer Tim” He hated the look of shock and then anger that crossed Tim’s face, but held his ground because he knew that Chris had been trouble before Tim had even joined the band. He still felt guilty that he hadn’t stopped the fucked up relationship that had developed between him and Tim because of it. “The boys and I talked and we would love to have you join us…but we don’t want Chris”

“What if I say that the only way that I will come on board is if you bring on Chris?” Tim asked, still confused and a bit hurt that the guys he thought of as friends had in a sense gone behind his back. He knew that they had ever right to have some lingering anger over the way everything had ended, but for Tim there was no My darling murder without Chris as its lead singer.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Elias roared, shoving his hand into his pocket in order to pull out his wallet. “You’ve got a lot of nerve throwing out ultimatums here” His voice got louder as he slapped some money on the bar before shooting Tim and evil look and rushing off.

“He was your friend and a huge part of the band” Tim defended their former leader, even though he wasn’t sure why. “Elias…wait” He cried out, grabbing his arm as they exited into the heated evening.

“No you fucking wait” Elias shot back, jerking her arm out of Tim’s grasp. “He always meant more to you then the rest of us. I know that he was your boyfriend Tim and that you loved him…but are you so fucking blinded by seeing him again that you don’t remember what he did to you…to us?”

“I don’t want to remember” Tim replied truthfully, recalling all the hurt and the pain that the man had caused him.

“Exactly” Elias cried out in triumph, it deflating altogether at the haggard and sad face looking back at him. “Tim…you’re my friend and I love your crazy ass for some reason like a brother. I was the one that had to pick up back up after he hurt you. I was the one who had to deal with the band when its leader decided that drugs were more important. I never told you this…but he robbed me blind. It’s true” He assured when Tim looked up at him in shock. “Remember when he was staying with me towards the end because you had kicked him out?” He could tell that Tim remembered by the devastation flashing across his blue eyes. “I went out one night with some friends and when I came back…he had taken everything I owed of value. He even forged my name on a check and depleted my checking account. I was flat busted broke and yet I never said anything to you about it because I knew that you were already fucked up enough because of him”

“I’m sorry” Tim whispered, the world around him starting to feel like it was all a dream. “I didn’t know”

“I know you didn’t and I wouldn’t have told you ever…but if it means that you think hard before letting him in your life this time then I had to. He’s a heroin addict Tim” He said softly, lying his hand upon Tim’s arm in a show of support. “I don’t care what he looks like or how much he says he’s changed…he’s always going to be a heroin addict” Guilt ate at him again for his actions years before hand, but he pushed past it because he was determined that he was not going to let Tim fall for Chris’s bullshit once again. “We want you in the band Tim. It’s time to move away from Jared and his crew and forget all over again about Chris. This could be the start of a new beginning for all of us. This was our dream when we first moved out here remember?”

“I remember” Tim smiled sadly, his head and his heart a total mess. “I need to think about this. I’ll see you later” He didn’t wait for Elias to respond as he turned and walked back into the bar, needing to think and ready to drink.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tim heard Shannon scream at him days later, his drum sticks flying across the room after being thrown in frustration.

“I’ve got a lot on my mind” Tim growled, strumming his bass but unable to concentrate on what he was trying to play.

“Well get the fuck over it and concentrate” Shannon yelled even louder, dying to know what it was that had Tim so out of sorts, but knowing that he had no right to ask, much less know.

“Christ Shannon…calm the fuck down” Jared cried out as he entered the studio with a frowning Tomo behind him.

“Yeah man…we heard you yelling all the way upstairs” Tomo spoke up, walking over to Tim. “You ok man?” He asked, full of concern because he had never seen the laid back man so irritated and on the defensive.

Tim went to reply, but the ringing of his cell phone diverted his attention. “Hello” He spoke quickly, his heart speeding up at the voice on the end. “I can’t right now I’m practicing with Jared and the guys” He looked over at Shannon, sighing softly at the annoyed look her got back. “Tonight…sure” He made plans for later that evening. “Chris…please don’t say things like that to me” Tim pleaded at the expression of love he had heard. “Because…nothing has changed. I can’t talk about this right now. I’ll see you tonight”

“Chris as in your ex-boyfriend Chris” Tomo blurted out, regretting it immediately at the look of annoyance he received from Tim and the momentary look of shock that he received from Shannon before it was quickly covered up.

“Who the hell is Chris and why do you know about him?” Shannon snapped, his feelings hurt over the love that he secretly held for Tim.

“He knows because unlike you and Jared who think that I am not good enough for this band…he actually talks to me when we are touring” Tim snapped, his nerves on edge.

“Tim…we don’t think of you like that” Jared spoke up, kicking himself mentally for not taking into consideration Tim’s feelings as they continued to tour and ignore his wanting to join the band on a more permanent basis.

“It doesn’t matter” Tim cut him off before he could continue. “I’ve got a lot of thinking to do and I just think that I need some time to myself right now”

“Thinking…thinking about what?” Shannon stammered on his words, his heart beating double time because he knew he was not going to like the answer, if Tim even gave him one.

“My darling murder might be making a comeback” He returned briskly, placing his bass on its stand before getting up to leave.

“Tim…think about what you’re doing” Tomo called out after him, afraid for his friend because he knew the entire saga of the man known as Chris. “You’ve got the opportunity to be part of this band…don’t give up on that so easily”

“I’ve been part of this band for over two years now…I pretty much gave up on becoming a permanent part of it a while ago. I’ve got to go”

“Tim…don’t be like that man” Jared cried out, walking after the clearly upset man, the door slammed in his face before he could reach him. “Well that isn’t how I expected this afternoon to go” Jared said as he turned to face the silent room.

“You should have made him permanent a long fucking time ago” Tomo spoke up, anger to his voice because he was worried about Tim and completely pissed off at Jared.

“Don’t start with me Tomo” Jared warned.

“Who is Chris?” Shannon asked, his voice low and full of sadness.

Taking a deep breath, Tomo swallowed hard before continuing. “He’s bad news…that’s who he is”

Shannon had nothing to say to that as he left the room. He needed to be left alone so he could think about what he had just heard, but more then anything he just wanted to kick himself in the ass for never being man enough to tell Tim the truth. With a sigh he fell onto his bed, closing his eyes and recalling the first moment that his feelings for Tim had changed. It wasn’t love at first sight, wasn’t even like at first sight. He chucked humorlessly to himself as he recalled how bitter he had been when Jared and called him to replace Matt after he left and yet none of them knew why. He knew it wasn’t Tim’s fault that he was angry, but the poor man seemed to get the worst of it and yet he never said a word or put up a fight. In the beginning Shannon had thought that Tim was sort of a wimp, not manly in that he never seemed to get riled up whenever anyone confronted him, including Shannon. He realized that was anything but the case one night as the four of them hung out at a club in some random city after a show. For whatever reason, Jared seemed to be in a foul mood and as the night was ending had managed to piss of some random and drunken townies. Loud words were spoken before physical contact began. Shannon wasn’t even aware that anything had been going on as he had been trying to get into another random townies pants. A drunken Tomo had been the one to alert him of the situation, sending Shannon into a full panic as he raced across the small bar, stopping dead in his tracks at what he saw. His mouth fell open as he watched Jared stand off to the side by the bar, Tim beating the shit out of one of the several men, two others knocked out on the floor nearby. He forced the man he had been roughing up to apologize to Jared before he knocked him to the floor as well. He still couldn’t move as he watched Tim check to make sure Jared was ok before rushing him out of the bar. It was then that his feelings for Tim had started to change because he knew no matter what that if needed Tim was going to look out for his younger brother if he wasn’t around.

A small smile crossed his lips as he recalled another time when he had to finally admit that his anger towards Tim was just his subconscious hiding the real truth. Again it was after a show, but that time it was just before they were about to board the bus for their next destination. It had been crazy that night, as the Echelon converged upon them the moment that they had exited the pavilion. Tim hadn’t been allowed to partake in the signing and was discouraged from mingling with the Echelon since his permanent status was still in limbo. As always he had done what he was asked as he hung out inside the bus, smoking a cigarette near an open window and ignoring the fans trying desperately to get his attention. Again Shannon didn’t know what was happening until afterwards, but he watched out of the corner of his eye as Tim raced off of the bus, avoiding the steps altogether as he hit the pavement and continued to run. He didn’t know what was going on as he rushed towards the crowd that seemed to be forming around their temporary bassist, his eyes growing large as he found Tim cradling a hysterical child against his chest. The child couldn’t have been more then three of four years old and it made Shannon wonder who would bring a kid so young to a concert. Shannon couldn’t hear what he was saying to her as he continued to hold her close, murmuring against her ear as he walked her back and forth within the small circle. He couldn’t help but chuckle as the frantic mother came looking for her child, Tim giving her a piece of his mind for having her out so late and being at a show at such a young age. Before he handed her over he whispered something in her ear that made her laugh, kissing her tear stain face. Shannon knew in that exact moment, despite the fact that he really didn’t know what had happened, although he could guess, that he had fallen in love with the gentle giant.

“Shannon…” He heard his name being called as he looked up and found his brother standing in the doorway. “What were you smiling at?” He asked as he stepped into the room, sitting on the foot of the bed.

“That day that Tim saved that kid from the crowd during the signing” He replied, his smile gone as he fought the urge to cry and kick himself once again.

“Oh Jesus…don’t remind me” Jared rushed out, disgust on his face. “I still can’t believe that woman had the nerve to leave her child alone while she flirted with me. Shit…what’s worse is that I almost took her up on her offer. Can you imagine what would have happened if Tim hadn’t seen the crowd converging on her?”

“Yeah…” Shannon replied quietly, feelings so fucking tired all of a sudden.

“You know I’m sure that it’s not too late to tell him” Jared said, picking at the duvet lying across the bed.

“I can’t” Shannon replied sadly, not even trying to pretend that he didn’t know what Jared was talking about. “I’ve treated him like shit from the moment he came on. I’ve been such a fucking jerk to him that I’m surprised he stayed with us this long”

“We all know why you did it Shannon”

“He doesn’t and even still…it wasn’t fair to take out my anger at Matt on him”

“Matt promised you the world and then he broke that promise when he decided to leave and start a family”

“Thanks for reminding me” Shannon glared at his brother, but it didn’t hold much force as he rolled onto his side and began to play with the corner of the pillow he was lying on. “It still wasn’t fair to him…but I got scared when I started to have feelings for him. I fought it for as long as I could…but it was too late”

“It’s never too late. This Chris guy is a fucked up former druggie who hurt Tim and his band years back. I don’t think that even Tim’s got that much patience and love in him to forgive that. From what Tomo said it was horrible for Tim during that time and…”

“And nothing” Shannon stopped him from going on. “Love is love Jared. If Tim still loves this fucker then nothing…not even a bad past will stop him from wanting to be with him”

“I think that you’re wrong Shannon. I think that Tim feels more for you then he’s letting on because of the fact that you’ve been such as ass to him”

“It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that he’s happy and if being with the guy makes him happy…then so be it” Closing his eyes, he willed Jared away, thankful when Jared took the hint and left the room.

“I still think your wrong idiot” Jared whispered behind the closed door.

How is it that you and I keep ending up in bed together” Tim asked, lying off to the side of the bed as far away from Chris without falling out.

“Well I like to think that it’s because you haven’t had much sex because I was gone and you can’t get enough of me” Chris teased, leaning onto his side as he ran his hand down Tim’s lean chest.

“I’ve had lots of sex while you were gone…tons even” Tim replied disgusted, shifting away from his touch, falling ungracefully on the floor.

“Really?” Chris asked, trying to suppress his grin but failing as he looked over the mattress.

“No…” Tim sighed in mock defeat as he also tried to hinder a grin.

“Get up here” Chris said, his grin turning into a full fledged smile as Tim crawled into his open arms. “I’m surprised though because you are so fucking amazing. I was so worried that I was going to come back and find you married with kids or settled down with another man…maybe even kids there as well”

“I always wanted kids” Tim sighed. “I thought that I was going to get that with you”

“I know you did baby and I wanted to give that to you. I know that I promised you the world and then the drugs took over and I gave you nothing. But we have a second chance now. I’m not that same man from before. I wasn’t joking when I told you that I was still in love with you Tim” He sat up, forcing Tim to sit up with him. “I never stopped loving you Timmy. The entire time I was in rehab all I kept thinking about was you and the good times that we shared. It was what got me through the hellish days and nights. Tell me that you’ll think about giving me a second chance? I promise that I won’t let you down again”

There were tears in Chris’s eyes that caused all of the doubt Tim had to just disappear as he leaned forward and kissed him in response. He knew he was putting his heart on the line once again for a man who had almost killed it last time, but as the kiss continued he felt that he had made the right decision.

“Are fucking kidding me” Elias cried out in wild furry as he paced back and forth in the small studio he owned.

“Elias…calm down. Just sit the fuck down and let’s talk about this” Tim said, growing more and more aggravated with each step that he took.

“You come in here and make all sort of ultimatums and you expect me to just calm the fuck down” He yelled even louder, his pacing becoming almost a blur.

“I only made one and if you don’t sit down I’m going to fucking leave” Tim challenged, hoping that he could get through to his best friend.

“Fine…talk” He finally sat down, arms crossed over his chest, knee bouncing up and down in full irritation.

Taking a deep breath, he began to speak; preparing himself for the explosion he knew was just minutes away once he did. “He’s changed” He started, taking another breath when Elias just glared at him. “He’s gone through rehab. He’s done his time and he’s a better person for it. I know he hurt us in the past Elias…but he’s trying to make amends for it. He’s absolutely broke and this gig is just what he needs to get back on his feet again. I’m not making demands…I’m just asking that as my friend you think about it”

“As your friend I can’t stop thinking about this” Elias said, voice low and full of upset. “I can’t stop thinking about this because he hurt you Tim. He fucking devastated you and left you for dead over some fucking drugs. I was the one that had to pick you up and pull you back together…remember” The anger in his voice increased. “This has nothing to do with what he did to me” He held up his hand when Tim tried to speak. “This is all about you and the shit that he pulled when it came to you. I care about you Tim. You’re more of a brother to me then my own brother and it kills me that you can fall so easily for his bullshit once again. What is it going to take for you to realize that he’s no good for you?”

Tim was near tears as he listened to Elias’s words because he knew they were true and that they really was only looking out for him. He replayed over and over again the horrible ending to his and Chris’s relationship and how he had vowed to never forgive the man again, and yet there he was doing just that. He understood why Elias hated Chris and he couldn’t blame him, but it angered him to know that he wasn’t even willing to give him a second chance. “I love him E” He finally was able to speak, tears glistening in his eyes as he got up and headed towards the door. “I love him” He repeated. “I also love you and I want nothing more then to play in this band with you again…but he needs me and if you can’t do this for me…then I can’t participate” He was gone before Elias even had a chance to respond. He didn’t expect to hear from Elias so soon after had had left, but an hour later he got a phone call alerting him to the fact that Chris was in.

“What’s wrong with you today?” Tomo asked as he watched Tim fidget nervously before him.

“Nothing…” Tim lied, running his hands over his knees as he continued to sit in the Leto studio waiting for Jared and Shannon to show up.

“Bullshit…” Tomo cried out. “You look as if you are ready to shit yourself and if you rub your fucking knees any harder you are going to put a hole in your jeans. Come on man…you can trust me…spill”

Tim knew that he could trust Tomo. He and the guitarist had become quite close while touring with Thirty seconds to mars and he considered him a good friend. He had told Tomo everything about Chris and his former life before helping out the band and at the moment in time he was grateful that he had. “Chris and I are back together” He rushed out, searching Tomo’s face for a reaction, going on when he got nothing but patience. “I don’t know how it happened…but it did and I am so happy” He wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince Tomo or himself. “MDM is getting back together and I have to try and tell Jared and Shannon. I mean I’m sure that it doesn’t matter since Shannon fucking hates me and Jared has been refusing to make me official…but damn if I am not scared as fuck” He sucked in a deep breath, unaware that he had even been holding his breath. “Well fucking say something” He barked at Tomo when he got no response.

“None of those last statements are true” Tomo replied, keeping his face calm when what he really wanted to do was freak out. He had become very attached to Tim during their travels and even considered him family. He hated the idea of Tim leaving to go back to his former band because something told him that once that happened that he would probably never see him again. He also felt sad and frustrated in that he knew how much Shannon was in love with Tim and as much as he wanted to tell the man continuing to fidget beside him, he kept his mouth shut. Tim was back with Chris and as much as his mind screamed for him to shake the shit out of the bassist until he realized the mistake he had made, and kept his hands to himself. “Shannon doesn’t hate you and Jared’s just been…”

“What’s up fuckers” Tomo didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence as Jared and Shannon breezed into the room at that very moment.

“Hey…” Tomo replied, sitting down next to Tim as he waited for the bomb to drop.

“What’s wrong with him?” Jared asked when Tim continued to sit on his chair, running his hands over his knees once again.

“No idea” Tomo lied, glancing at Tim out of the corner of his eye.

“Well spit it out or get over it because I’ve been working on a new song and I want you guys to tell me what you think” Jared replied as he picked up his guitar and sat down.

Shannon could tell by the look of terror on Tim’s face that he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear. Sitting down he picked up a pair of drumsticks, tapping them against each other as the silence around them began to grow and unnerve him. “I’m leaving” Tim spoke quickly, his eyes seeming to be stuck to the floor as he refused to look at anyone in the room.

“What do you mean your leaving? You just fucking got here and unless you’re dying I’m not through with you for the day” Jared ground out, irritated.

“He meant that he’s leaving the band” Shannon spoke up for Tim when the quiet man just sat there.

“No he didn’t” Jared glared at his brother before turning his sights back to Tim. “Did you?”

“Yes…” Tim replied in a near whisper, not understanding why he was having such a hard time just ending things. He didn’t get a chance to say anything else as Jared seemed to lose his mind and exploded, yelling expletives that Tim had never heard come out of his mouth in all the time he had known him. He didn’t pay much mind to Jared though as he watched Shannon from across the room. He couldn’t understand the look of shock and then what looked like pain that splashed across the drummers face before he tossed his drumsticks on the ground and walked silently out of the door. He pulled himself back together to find Tomo trying to calm Jared down as he explained to him the situation with Chris.

“So you’re leaving this band to be with a fucking crack head” Jared snided, the bitterness in his voice confusing Tim as Shannon’s reaction had.

“Jared…” Tomo cried out, jerking him backwards when he tried to walk up on Tim. “Cut that shit out” He warned when he tried it again. “Tim’s made his decision and you should be happy for him”

“Whatever the fuck” Jared jerked his arm away from Tomo, glaring hatefully at Tim once again. “I could give to shits if you stayed with this band…but what I won’t fucking every forgive is hurting Shannon”

Tim didn’t know what that meant or how he should take it, as he watched Jared storm out the same door Shannon had moments earlier. “I have to go” He blurted out, not giving Tomo a chance to say another word as he ran out of the studio, not stopping at the sound of upset voices that seemed to be coming from somewhere in the house. Tears flowed down his face as he sat in his car, trying to figure out what he was crying for when it was apparent that he wasn’t wanted there most times anyway. “Hello…” He yelled into his cell phone when it rang from his pocket. “Yes…I just told them. No…it didn’t go very well” Tim found himself sobbing as Chris waited on the other end of the line. “No…this was the right decision” He tried to assure the both of them, although he wasn’t sure if it was the right thing or not if he wanted to be true with himself. “I’m on my way home now. I love you too” He smiled sadly as he uttered the words, confusing converging on him once again as he recalled Shannon’s reaction and then swift departure before he drove away.

Tim felt as if he were in hell as he watched Elias and Chris go at it yet again. It had been six weeks since he had left Thirty and five weeks since MDM had gone back into the studio. His head pounded, knowing that he should get up and separate the two for what felt like the hundredth time that day, but he just didn’t have the energy left in him. Closing his eyes he thought back to his time with Thirty, smiling slightly when he thought of all the good times that he had had. He missed Tomo and made a mental note to call his friend and try and get together. He missed Jared being controlling and neurotic, trying to make everything so perfect, but most times not as over bearing as people liked to this that he was. He was even shocked to realize that he missed Shannon constantly glaring and yelling at him as well. His heart ached at the thought of Shannon, because no matter how he tried to deny it he had fallen in love with the older man. ***Stop that…you’re with Chris now*** He scolded himself because he truly did love Chris as well, the problem was that he wasn’t really sure what kind of love it was anymore.

“What the fuck is so funny?” He heard Chris’s loud voice boom in his ear as he opened his eyes and found his lover sitting beside him. “I’m glad that you think it’s so fucking funny that your friend is being as ass and treating me like shit”

“I think that it was mutual” Tim murmured under his breath, but loud enough for Chris to hear.

“Well it’s good to know where I fucking stand with you” Chris shouted even louder, getting up before throwing the wooden chair across the room.

“Chris…” Tim called out after him as he stormed off, sighing in defeat when he was ignored. “Fucking great” He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face knowing that it was going to be another long night at home. Since they had started working on their music he found that Chris was constantly moody and when he wasn’t moody he was demanding of Tim’s constant attention. He ignored it at first thinking that it was the stress of being with the old band once again, but there was a nagging doubt that kept popping up, making him wonder if he was using once again.

“You’re boyfriend is an asshole” He heard Elias’s voice yell from across the room, causing him to sigh again.

“Can we not go though this again” Tim asked, rubbing his temple because it was starting to throb. “I’m going to have to deal with his shit when I get to the car…so please just give me a break”

“He’s using again” Elias blurted out, knowing that what he was about to say could possible end their friendship, but his concern and his love for Tim far out weighed that fear. “I know you don’t want to believe me…but just listen to me before you say anything”

No matter how much Tim wanted to deny Elias’s accusations, he was just too stunned to do so.

“I found this in the bathroom this morning” Elias continued, holding up a tiny bag. “I’m sure that you remember what this is?” His heart broke as he watched Tim’s face fall, wanting to stop and protect his friend from everything that was about to happen, but he knew as his friend he had to continue.

“That…that could belong to anyone” Tim stuttered, not willing to believe for one second that Chris was using again.

“There are ever only four of us in this studio Tim and I know for a fact that three of us are not heroin addicts”

“You’re wrong Elias”

“I’m not wrong Tim…but I fucking wish that I was”

“Maybe it was still here from before. Maybe you came down here with someone else before and you just don’t remember it. Maybe…”

“Look at the fucking facts Tim” Elias cut him off, shoving the baggie in front of Tim’s face. “You know damn well that I am a clean freak and there is no way in hell that I would miss something like this. No one has been in this studio since we split up but me and I know I’m not fucking using this shit. He’s falling back into the same patterns as before…but you are too fucking close to him to notice”

“I don’t know what you are talking about” Tim replied with an edge to his voice as he got up and started for the exit.

“He not eating. He’s constantly sweating like a pig, even when we’re not playing. He so fucking jittery that he can’t sit still for five seconds and lets not forget the lovely mood swings” The drummer counted some of the signs off on his hand. “Tim…I’m just fucking worried about you” He watched as Tim stopped for a minute and he had been hopeful that he had gotten through to him, his heart dying a bit when it was obvious that he hadn’t.

“You don’t have to worry about me because I am fine…he is fine…we are fine” Tim didn’t even bother to look back as he left the studio and went in search if his missing boyfriend. “Fuck” He cried out in frustration and fear when he exited the building and found his car gone. He didn’t want to believe for one second that Elias’s words were true; he even had to admit to himself that the signs had been there, he just didn’t want to believe them. Taking out his phone he dialed a number he hadn’t called in a while, hoping and praying that the person he wanted to talk to would answer. “Tomo…” He cried out in relief when the line was picked up.

“It’s good to see you man” Tomo hollered loudly, ignoring the people staring at him as he entered the tiny coffee shop Tim had given him directions to. “Jesus…I’ve missed you” He hugged Tim tightly, already knowing that something was wrong with just one look upon his face. “How about we skip eating and head over to my place. You look like you could use a beer”

“That sounds good” Tim smiled sadly, hugging Tomo once again because he really was so happy to see him.

“So do you think that he’s using again?” Tomo asked as the two of them sat in his living room drinking beer, after he had been told everything.

“I don’t want to believe it” Tim replied truthfully, finishing off his beer. “I mean…if I have to be honest with myself some of what Elias said is true. He’s been showing some signs…but it could also be part of the after effects right?” Tim asked, knowing that he was grasping at straws, but not one hundred percent willing to accept that it was true.

“I don’t know man” Tomo said, getting up and grabbing two more beers from the fridge. “I mean…I’ve known people that have gone through rehab…but I don’t recall them ever showing symptoms like that afterwards”

“How are Jared and Shannon?” He asked, hoping to change the subject because his head was still killing him and he didn’t want to deal with the reality of it any longer.

“Jared’s still pissed and bitches about it just about every fucking day” Tomo laughed sadly, upset that Tim hadn’t realized how much a huge part of all of their lives he was. “Shannon…he refuses to talk about you. Whenever your name comes up he changes the subject or walks out of the room”

“I knew that he hated me…just never knew that he hated me so much that he can’t even hear my name now that I’m gone” Tim sighed, Tomo’s words making his heart ache.

“He doesn’t hate you Tim” Tomo protested, fighting the urge to slap him in the head for being so stupid. “He…” He wasn’t able to finish as Tim’s cell phone rang. He listened as Tim spoke quietly to the person on the other end; a person he knew had to be Chris. “Tim…” He said his friends name quietly as he closed up his phone, placing it back in his pocket.

“He’s on his way to pick me up” Tim replied, his voice low. “He says that he’s sorry and that he just needed to clear his head”

“What’s wrong then?” Tomo asked, knowing that something was off but no quite sure what it was.

“Nothing…” Tim lied, picking up the empty beer bottles and placing him in the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, he took a deep breath, his fears confirmed after speaking to his lover. He knew Chris was using again just by the tone in his voice. It was a tone that he knew quite well from previous experience. Tears threatened to spill over his eye lids as he closed them and hoped and prayed that he was wrong.

“If he’s using again you have to leave him Tim” Tomo spoke softly from the doorway, walking forward and hugging his friend close. “He nearly destroyed you last time…can you really survive a second time” Tim didn’t say anything, just held on tight as he finally allowed the tears to escape. “I am always here for you Tim…don’t you ever forget that” Tomo whispered against his ear, placing a spare key in his hand his own bout of tears trying to blaze as well. “You also have Jared and Shannon. They may be angry…but they love you man”

“He’s here” Tim responded hollowly at the ringing coming from his pocket. “I’ll be ok” He smiled, but he could see that Tomo didn’t believe it. “I’ll call you later this week and we can hang out. I really miss you Tomo”

“I miss you too Tim” Tomo concurred, holding Tim tightly, not wanting to let go out of stone cold fear.

“Please…don’t tell Shannon or Jared about any of this?” Tim begged, stepping away when his phone rang yet again.

He was gone before Tomo could respond.

“Are you hungry?’ Tim asked hours later after he and Chris had made it back to their apartment.

“No…” Chris answered from the living room where he sat in front of the TV.

“You haven’t eaten anything all day. Why don’t I make just a little something and then we can watch a movie or something” He cried out from the kitchen, opening the fridge to see what was edible.

“I said I’m not fucking hungry” Chris yelled from the other room, a loud crash causing Tim to run into the room. “Look what you made me fucking do” His rant continued as he kicked at the shattered glass counter top before him. “Clean it the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone” He screamed in Tim’s face, nearly knocking him down as he ran into the bedroom, slamming the door loudly behind him.

Tim felt numb as he went into the kitchen to get the necessary cleaning supplies, refusing to believe what he already knew was true.

“Tim…” He heard his name being called from the hallway as he sat in dark living room hours later. “I’m sorry baby…come to bed” Chris continued to call out to him. “Come on Timmy…forgive me already and come to bed” He didn’t even bother to respond as he got up off of the couch and walked silently towards his lover. “That’s a good boy Timmy” Chris cooed against his ear after pulling him tightly into his arms. “You know I didn’t mean anything that happened tonight. I’ve just been so stressed out and I keep taking it out on you. I love you baby…you know that right” He didn’t wait for Tim to respond, and he wasn’t even sure that he could as he allowed Chris to take his hand and lead him into the bedroom.

No words were spoken as Chris removed his clothing, his breath coming in fast pants, his pupils hugely dilated as his hands roamed over his body. He wanted to push him away and accuse him of falling back into his old habits, but his mouth stayed slack, his mind confused as he was laid across the bed. Chris didn’t seem to care that Tim couldn’t even get it up and he fucked him hard and fast, crying out loud enough to wake the dead before exploding deep within him. He was off the bed and in the bathroom before Tim had a chance to move, and remained there for nearly thirty minutes before he emerged. He didn’t acknowledge Tim as he slid painfully off of the bed; his buttocks soar from too little preparation. He was out cold by the time Tim came back into the room, his naked body sprawled out over the entire bed, loud snoring echoing around the room. Taking a deep breath, Tim walked over towards his side of the bed, pushing Chris over enough so he could lie down. Tears bled from his eyes as he finally was able to roll him onto his side, a set of track marks lining his thigh.

“Why the hell did you sleep on the couch last night?” Chris asked Tim as he stumbled into the living room, finding his lover asleep.

“After you fucked me you took up the entire bed” Tim replied, eyeing his lover who seemed to be more fidgety then normal. “Is there something that you want to tell me?” He asked, getting up and stretching, deciding that it was time to confront Chris and get it over with.

“About what?” Chris asked, avoiding eye contact as he searched for his keys.

“The fucking drugs you’ve been taking” Tim yelled, fed up already with the lies and betrayal. “And don’t tell me that you’re not because I found your fucking track marks last night on your thigh”

Before he had a chance to say anything else, he felt his head smash against the wall behind him, Chris heavy body pressing him painfully into the wall. “I don’t know what the fuck you are talking about…but keep this shit up and you are going to fucking regret it” He screamed in Tim’s face, shoving him away as he rushed for the door.

“I already do” Tim said softly, pulling his knees into his chest as he cried over the fact that he had ended up in the same situation as he had been several years ago.

Life after that became a nightmare for Tim, who despite being hurt and betrayed was determined to help the man that he felt he still loved. He begged and pleaded for Chris to get some more help, insisted that he go back to rehab and get clean again, but with each plea and attempt, Chris became more violent. Many a night was spent at Tomo’s place as he was bandaged and held by his friend as he tried to keep himself from falling apart. He was thankful that he had Tomo in his life because he knew that without him he would have lost it long before, however, he hated the position that he put him in because Tomo wanted nothing more to include the Leto Brother’s and help to take care of his problem. Tim had begged and pleaded with Tomo and as much as he knew it was the wrong thing to do, he somehow convinced him to keep his secret.

Tim was near exhaustion as he made his way up the stairs towards Tomo’s apartment. Every part of his body ached and throbbed as he pulled the spare key out of his pocket and let himself in. Placing the key back into his pocket he thanked his lucky stars once again for Tomo being in his life and allowing him to use his apartment whenever he needed. He felt as if his body weighed two tons as he dragged his beaten and bruised self into the hallway, his eyes wide, his mouth open before he lost control of reality and fainted to the floor.

“Tim…” Shannon cried out, not only from the shock of finding him standing in Tomo’s hallway, but at the horrible condition that he looked to be in. “Tim…what the fuck?” He cried out again as he tried to revive him. Full out panic invaded him for only a moment before he pulled himself back together again and focused on the task he had before him.

When Tim came to he found himself lying on Tomo’s bed, Shannon sitting at the foot of the bed watching him. “What are you doing here?” He asked, trying to sit up, but the pain that shot through him stopping him.

“Tomo’s out of town until Sunday. He asked me to take care of his cats” Shannon replied in a flat tone, trying to keep calm, but losing the battle very quickly. “Did he do this to you?” He gave up trying as the anger began to surface, because no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it, he was still completely in love with Tim.

“Who?” Tim asked, avoiding eye contact as he forced himself to sit up that time.

“Don’t play fucking games Tim. Did he do this to you?” Shannon snarled, taking a deep breath before he lost it altogether. Closing his eyes he took another breath, because all he could think about was murdering the man who had done this to Tim. “Answer me Tim…please” His voice was softer, full of pain as Tim finally looked at him, his eyes saying all he needed to know. “I’m going to kill that mother fucker” It was a roar of truth as he jumped up off of the bed, ready to face murder charges for what he was about to do.

“Shannon no…please” Tim begged, finally losing the battle with his wits and his heart as he started sobbing uncontrollably, try as he might to stop it. Shannon was at his side in a heartbeat, arms wrapped tightly around him, holding him in an almost vice like grip. He wanted to cry out from the pain, but didn’t because the warmth and the strength were needed more then his need to breathe. “Don’t let go Shannon” He sobbed, wrapping his arms even tighter around his strong neck. “Please…just don’t let go” He didn’t hear Shannon’s response as he cried unlike he had ever cried before, somehow falling asleep or passing out after awhile. “You stayed” He whispered groggily when he finally opened his eyes and found Shannon lying beside him, holding him close to his body.

“You asked me too” He replied with a look of confusion of his face. “Sorry” He mumbled before pulling back and propping himself against the headboard.

“Thank you” Tim smiled up at him, lying on his back as they sat in silence. “How are the cats?” He asked dumbly, looking for something to break the silence.

“Their fine” Shannon snorted softly, looking down with concern at Tim. “Is he using again?” He asked, after much thought, his tone changing once again.

“Yes…” Tim’s small reply as tears once again consumed him. “I saw all the signs. Hell…Elias told me weeks ago that he was using again…but I didn’t want to believe him”

“You love him…I can understand why you didn’t want to see it” Shannon replied, the words making his heart fall into the pit of his stomach.

“I don’t love him anymore. Honestly…I don’t think that it was every love to begin with” Tim answered in a flat tone. “I mean…I was so excited to see him when he just showed up and everything just fell back into place as before. I don’t really know how to explain it in that it was comfortable and I just went along with it…but as for love…” He couldn’t finish his words for a moment as he looked up and locked eyes with the man he knew he was truly in love with, no matter how much he wanted to deny it. “I’m sorry…I’m sure that you don’t want to here shit from someone that you don’t like very much” His heart hurt as he said those words, looking in the opposite direction so he could avoid Shannon’s eyes.

“Look Tim…” Shannon replied softly, head hung low as he took a deep breath. “I know that my actions showed otherwise…but don’t ever doubt that I care for you” Another breath as he glanced out of the corner of his eye, finding Tim looking at him strangely. “The problem was that I cared too much and…” He hesitated, afraid to go on, but as Tim sat up with such hope in his eyes, he continued. “I was afraid”

“Afraid of what?” Tim asked.

Shannon didn’t want to tell Tim about his past, but he knew that they had a moment there and if it let it go that he would live to regret it for the rest of his life. “I don’t know if you ever knew this…but Matt and I used to be together” He began, taking yet another breath as he ventured a glace at Tim’s face.

“I didn’t know” Tim replied, shifting upwards until he was leaning against the head board next to Shannon. “Was it serious?”

“Serious for me…not so much for him” Shannon sighed, rubbing his forehead at the small ebb of an ache present. “It started up pretty much the day he joined the band and ended on the night that he decided to leave it” Swallowing hard, he closed his eyes as he recalled the night that he felt as if his world had ended. “I know that there were all those rumors out there about be fucking my way through every state that we played in…but most of them Matt and I started ourselves so we could be together in peace. I loved him very much and I knew that he was still seeing Libby on the side. He kept telling me that it was for appearance sake and that he only loved me. I believed him…but then he wanted to marry her and everything just kind of went downhill from there. We tried to work it out…but everything came to a head that night when we called you in because he decided that he didn’t love me anymore and he wanted out” Shannon nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Tim take his hand, holding it loosely within his own. “When you came on board I was still so hurt and so angry at Matt…but I took it out on you because you were his replacement and it only got worse because you are so patient and kind and so amazing. I found myself feeling things for you that I didn’t want to feel and out of fear I lashed out at you. I know I was horrible to you Tim and I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me” Tears stung his eyes as he pulled his hands away from Tim, lying them in his lap as the shame of his previous actions came back to haunt him.

“I don’t hate you Shannon” Tim said softly, taking Shannon’s hand back into his. “Tomo kept telling me that there was more to your anger then met the eye…but I didn’t want to believe him because I was terrified to hope that he was telling the truth”

“Why?” Shannon asked, stunned.

“It didn’t matter how horrible you treated me Shannon because I had already developed feelings for you and I was willing to take the abuse if it meant that I had your attention” He watched the way Shannon flinched at the word abuse, squeezing his hand lovingly before continuing. “We really fucked this up didn’t we?” He laughed sadly.

“We did” Was Shannon’s equally saddened reply. “Tim…” He spoke up, forcing himself to look into the bassist’s eyes. “Promise me that you are going to end things with him” He could even allow himself to say the fuckers name out of fear of losing his mind. “Look what he did to you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if he did this to you again…or worse” He didn’t want to think those type of thoughts, but he knew that there was always a possibility of it happening.

“We have our first gig next Friday…after that I will weigh my options and make a decision”

“He could kill you by then” Shannon anger got the best of him as he jerked his hands away from Tim and tried to climb off of the bed. He didn’t have a chance to do anything else as he was pushed to his back, warm and wet lips descending upon his. It was an amazing kiss by any standards and so much better then his imagination could have ever produced, but it was over before he knew what had happened.

“I’ve always wanted to know what that felt like” Tim smiled shyly at him, tracing Shannon’s bottom lip with his index finger. “So much better then I ever imagined it to be” The smile disappeared as he fumbled to get off of the bed.

“Tim…don’t go…please” Shannon begged, preparing to hold the man hostage if he had too.

“I have to be there for him right now Shannon. This gig is important to him…to us. I can’t just let the dream die once again. If only for one show…MDM will rise again. I’d like you to be there if you’d be willing to come. I’ll leave your name at the door…but I’ll also understand if you can’t. Bye Shannon” He was gone before Shannon could even utter a response.

“I can’t believe that so many people have showed up” Elias whooped happily, hugging Tim and kissing him on the cheek as they stood off to the side of the stage.

“They had fucking better showed up…we busted out ass off for this” Tim grinned, pushing his friend away. “Has anyone seen Chris?” His smiled turned to a frown as he searched crowded club finding the man he was looking for in a secluded booth with a well known drug dealer. “Forget it…found him” He spoke more to himself, turning away. “Shannon…” He cried out in shock when he came face to face with the drummer. “Hey man…so glad that you could make it” He tried to sound cheerful, but it fell flat.

“Of course I came…couldn’t miss your big debut could I” Shannon smiled, his heart breaking for the millionth time since that night in Tomo’s bed. “I just wanted to wish you luck and…”

“Kick your fucking ass for leaving us” Jared cut him off, rushing up and hugging Tim tightly. “Just kidding” He smiled widely, hugging him again. “This is amazing. I’m really happy for you”

“Thanks man” Tim smiled for real, his eyes lingering on Shannon. “I’m really glad that you both are here”

“We’re proud of you Timmy” Jared beamed, unaware of the tension between the two men. “But…just in case this doesn’t work out…you are always welcome back to our merry little band of misfits as an official member”

“Thanks Jared...” Tim replied with another smile. “Fuck…” The smile vanished as Chris stumbled into the back stage area and there was no doubt that he was unfit to take the stage. “Shit…what the fuck are weg to do now?” He asked no on in particular as he rushed past the Leto brother’s. “You promised you son of a bitch…you fucking promised”

“Don’t get all fucking worked up” Chris laughed, words slurred as he tried to move past Tim, tripping over his feet and falling to the floor.

“Don’t get fucking worked up…are you kidding me. We have a house full of people out there that are here to see us play and you can’t even fucking stand up” Tim wasn’t really sure what happened after that as something grabbed him tightly by the throat, his head hitting a hard object before his vision went blurry. He felt the floor hit his ass as he lost his own footing and fell to the ground, loud and angry sounds surrounding him.

“SHANNON…NO” He heard what sounded like Jared’s voice cry out, as he shook his head hard in order to clear his vision.

“Shannon…no” He repeated earlier words as his vision began to come back and he found Shannon pounding on a struggling Chris.

“Don’t you ever fucking touch him again” Shannon screamed, ready to kill the man under him as he clenched his fists and prepared to strike once again. He only managed to punch air as he was shoved brutally to the floor, not caring who it was as he went for Chris once again. He had hurt Tim and no one in Shannon’s world was ever going to hurt Tim, especially someone who had hurt him in the past. “Get the fuck off of me Elias” He cried out wildly once he figured out who was in his way, still trying to get to the man moaning and bitching on the floor in front of him.

“He’s not worth it Shannon” Elias screamed in his face, refusing to let go because he knew if he did that Chris would be leaving the club in a body bag and Shannon in handcuffs.

“He hurt Tim” Shannon tried to explain, his eyes wild and furious as he continued to fight free.

“I’m ok…I’m right here” Tim crawled on his hands and knees across the room, placing his hands on Shannon’s enraged face once he reached him. “Hey…look at me” He begged, forcing Shannon to look at him. “I’m ok…” He assured, though he felt anything but ok at the pain in his head.

“He hurt you” Shannon responded, his entire body shaking as the rage began to wear off.

“I’m ok…” Tim said again, tears stinging his eyes at the amount of love that he saw staring back at him as Shannon came off of his anger high. Closing his eyes he leaned forward and kissed the drummers taunt lips, continuing to apply pressure under they loosened under his own and began to kiss him back. “Thank you” He smiled shyly when they finally broke apart. “Elias…please get him out of here” He asked his best friend, ignoring Chris’s cries of upset when he was jerked to his feet by Elias and the rest of the band and escorted out of the building. “Are you ok?” Tim asked, focusing back on Shannon.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Shannon asked, a full ranged blush across his face. “I’m sorry about that. I saw him hit you and I just fucking lost it”

“I love you Shannon” Tim blurted out, not caring that there was a room full of people around them.

“What?” Shannon sputtered, unsure that he had heard the words correctly.

“I love you” Tim spoke a bit more slowly. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time now and I can’t keep it to myself anymore…not after this. I know that this entire situation if fucked up but…”

“I love you too” Shannon cut him off with a smile as he placed both hands on the sides of Tim’s head and kissed him hungrily.

Well it’s about fucking time” Elias hollered as he entered the room, laughing and hugging Jared at the twin middle fingers he received as a reply.

“What are we going to do about the show?” Tim asked as Shannon helped him off of the floor.

“Cancel…what the fuck else can we do” Elias replied bitterly.

“Jared can sing for us” Tim cried out hopeful.

“As much as I’d like to help you Tim…I don’t know any of your songs” Jared replied, wishing that he had paid better attention to Tim’s band.

“You can do it. I’ve heard you sing before Tim and you have an amazing voice” Shannon spoke up, turning Tim to face him. “You’ve always hide behind the back up vocals…but I know you can sing”

“When have you heard me sing?” Tim asked, shocked at Shannon’s suggestion.

“You were singing in the shower one day on the bus and I heard you. I might have even recorded some of it on my phone” He blushed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. “I wasn’t trying to be pervy…I just thought you had an amazing voice. I even wanted to have Jared listen to it and maybe have you do some vocals on the new album…but then Chris was back and I didn’t think that it mattered”

“I want to hear it now” Jared said as he walked over towards Tim and Shannon.

“Shannon’s crazy…I can’t sing for shit” Tim laughed, reaching for Shannon’s phone, but not quick enough as Elias grabbed it from him and ran to the other side of the room.

“How the fuck do you work this thing?” He grumbled, letting Jared jerk it out of his hands before the sounds of Tim singing filled the small room.

“Fuck Tim…you’ve got a set of pipes on you” Jared whistled in awe as they continued to listen.

“Told you” Shannon beamed.

“They didn’t come to see me Shannon…they came to see Chris” Tim explained, trying to leave, but unable to at Shannon’s hand upon his arm.

“They came to be entertained by a good band and with or without Chris this band is a fucking good band. You can do this…I have faith in you” He smiled, meaning ever word. “And I’ll be right there by your side”

“What are you going to do hold my hand all night” Tim giggled, blushing. “I’m sure the fans will love it”

“Nope…better” He smiled, kissing Tim quickly before turning towards the rest his band mates. “Get your asses out there and blow them away”

“Shannon…what if I can’t do this?” Tim was starting to panic as he was led closer towards the stage.

“You can do this…I have faith in you” Shannon tried to calm the clearly frazzled man.

“Me too…” Jared piped up beside him. “You’ve got this”

“I’ll be right there beside you…promise” Shannon grinned ever wider, kissing Tim quickly once again before grabbing a mic and entering the stage. “What the fuck is he up too?” Tim asked Jared as they watched him explain partly why Chris would not be performing with them that night and instead Tim would. The crowd went wild as the other members of the band joined him on stage.

“You’ve got this” Jared repeated, pushing Tim on stage before stage fright had a chance to fully overtake him.

“I’ll be right beside you” Shannon whispered in his ear as he hugged him quickly before trotting off stage.

Tim was stunned for a moment as the intro to their first song began to play, but his courage grew at the cries of the fans and the encouraging looks from the Leto brother’s off stage. His voice was shaky to say the least as he began to sing, but became more sure with each note that was played. He had almost forgotten Shannon’s promise to be by his side until he rushed on the stage, same mic in hand and began to sing the backup vocals. Tim was stunned for a moment at the power behind Shannon’s voice, but it didn’t last long as Jared joined in on the fun by rushing onto the stage dancing and jumping like a crazed man. The set was over before he knew it, followed by three encores as the crowd begged and chanted for more.

“That was fucking amazing” He cried out happily as he rushed into Shannon’s arms. “I can’t believe you fucking did that” He got lost in a sea of hazel as he kissed Shannon passionately. “I can’t believe you either” He laughed when he was ripped from Shannon’s body and pulled flushed against the other Leto. “You both really are crazy fuckers”

“God this was a fucking great night” Jared cried out, on full adrenaline and ready for more. “What say we hit one of Brent’s clubs and dance the fucking night away”

“I think those two have other ways to spend their evening” Elias laughed as he grabbed onto the hyper man when he almost tripped over his own foot. “But if you don’t mind hanging out with me…we could have some fun”

“You bet your ass we can” Jared responded with a glint of lust in his eye as he checked out Tim’s best friend. “But I’ve got an even better idea on how to end this evening” He grinned evilly, grinding his hardening cock against the mans groin before taking his hand and leading him off to where the night took them.

“Do you think that those two are actually going to fuck?” Tim asked as he watched the two men leave in a hurry.

“I would bet money that they won’t even make it out of the building” Shannon shook his head, forgetting about his brother and his antics as he turned to face Tim fully. “You want to get out of here?”

“Yeah…” Tim responded with a smile as he kissed the drummer quickly before grabbing his jacket and keys. The tension on the way to Tim’s apartment was thick as they both found themselves lost in thought as to what was about to happen.

“You seem awfully quiet” Shannon said as they entered Tim’s apartment, each standing nervously within the tiny hallway.

“It’s just so much to take it isn’t it” Tim replied, closing the door before hanging up his jacket in the closet. “I mean…tonight was such a strange night and all”

“Yeah…” Shannon responded, not sure how to take the meaning of those words. “Look Tim…If you’re having second thoughts about us I will understand”

“What…no” Tim cried out, taking Shannon’s hand and leading him into the living room. “Shannon…sit down please” He sat on the couch, waiting for the drummer to follow. “I didn’t mean anything by that” He said, suddenly so nervous that he could hardly speak. “Even you have to admit that it’s been a strange night. First Chris getting high and then you kicking his ass…which I appreciated by that way” He smiled, watching Shannon’s face tighten and then begin to relax. “You told me you loved me” He blushed again, hating that Shannon seemed to turn him into a little school girl. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear that and how I never expected that I would”

“I feel the same” Shannon shifted a bit closer to Tim, dying to kiss him but knowing that he would have to wait to see what else was on his mind.

“But…the fact of the matter is that I still have Chris to deal with” He said, watching Shannon stiffen and pull away from him. “It’s over Shannon” He spoke quickly, fearful that things between them might be over before they had even begun. “I just need you to be patient and understand that he’s not going to just disappear from my life. No matter what’s happened…I still care for him and I want to make sure that he’s going to be ok”

“Where is he at now?” He asked, not liking Tim’s words, but knowing that they were true and that he would have to deal with it if he wanted to be with him.

“Elias called his sponsor and had him pick him up. He’s either with him or maybe they brought him back to rehab. I hate that it’s come to this once again” Tim sighed; closing his eyes, thankful that Shannon seemed to understand as he wrapped his strong arms around him. “Thank you Shannon”

“I’m always going to be here for you Tim…no matter what” The drummer pulled back a little from the embrace in order to look into Tim’s eyes. I’ve got you in my life now and I’m not ever letting you go”

“I’m going to hold you to that” Tim smiled, leaning forward and kissing Shannon good and hard as if to prove his point. Before he knew what was happening his back was pinned to the couch, a very muscular musician spread out of top of him, kissing the very breath from his body. Wrapping his arms tightly around Shannon’s neck he pulled him even closer, thinking to himself that there had been nothing more right about that then anything in his entire lifetime.

The end…


End file.
